He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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