He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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