i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
