WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize