i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
