You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
