Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
