Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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