I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
