Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
