im six kinds of drunk right now
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
