respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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