I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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