Moan for me like Helen Keller
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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