as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
