Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
