My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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