i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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