I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
