my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
