the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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