somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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