they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
