We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is the high leading the old right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
