After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, itβs that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize