oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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