Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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