Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
