guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
