Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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