fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize