I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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