I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
