I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
