Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize