if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
