SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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