I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
