mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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