Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
