It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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