i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize