32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
