we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
