Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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