don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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