i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
