dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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