i wish starbucks made bloody marys
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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