yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
