Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
