im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
