i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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