Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
