i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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