yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's even glitter on my cock...
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