I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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