You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
