I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
