I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
