FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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