Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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